When I began this journey ten months ago I had no idea the impact it would have on me nor the adventures that lay ahead. I did not know I would change my plans to carry on travelling for the better part of a year. If I had thought about it, well, I probably wouldn't have done it. It evolved. I was open. It was meant to be.
As I contemplate my journey home tomorrow I am trying to find a way to put into words my feelings, my thoughts, my anxieties and anticipation about ending what was the most extraordinary year of my life. I am excited beyond measure to see my children Sarah, Robbie, James and my son in law Robert, my Mom and all my friends, and, of course George, my puppy. How I have missed them! And I am very sad to say goodbye to everyone here - Sue and Terry, Ange, and all my cousins, and their lovely children as well as the friends I have made here. So, off come the hippy bracelets and the harem pants and on to the sobering reality of taxes, bills, responsibilities and the rather daunting prospect of finding a job..
My blog has been an account of the details of my journey and my personal journal. I am amazed at the number of hits, ......mind you, 50% are probably my Mother! But I do appreciate those who have read and followed me along "The Way". What began as a 5 week pilgrimage has turned into a near year long discovery of who I am, what my life means and holds for me as I consider the next half of it. How do I keep with me those moments of sheer awe, of the extraordinary life changing experiences that will never be repeated, at least not in the same way. My mind is like a tornado, so many images and memories swirling around in my head it's dizzying! Even now, I will see something that reminds me of a situation, a person, a place, a moment and I get utterly lost in a memory that I hold dear to my heart. I must keep these moments alive even though I know it is not possible to live in those moments, and knowing they cannot be perceived by anyone else no matter how hard I try to describe them. If you see a smile cross my face at any given moment, you can be sure it will be because I am pondering one of those explicitly delicious moments, a memory I will hold on to ever so dearly. Some people have said, "you're like Julia Roberts in "Eat, Pray, Love". I am naming this entry "Walk, Pray, Laugh". Here's why:
**WALK** I must have walked hundreds of miles and have taken every opportunity to be outdoors. I have a weathered look about me and this has aged me considerably but I don't mind. To be outdoors is a welcome opportunity compared to working most of my life indoors. If I don't walk every day, I just don't feel quite right in my body. It calms my mind and exercises my body in a way that benefits and suits me. I have no aches or pains and feel healthy, well and fit. I am happiest when I am walking whether its along the beach of Crosby, the coastal cliffs of Cornwall, following the ubiquitous yellow arrow on the Camino path, hiking up a mountain in India, or walking through a pasture in northern England. Walking simply makes me happy.
**PRAY** I have entered and prayed in countless churches and holy places of worship. I have lived prayer by walking the Meseta, by walking through the slums of Kolkata, by standing at the tomb of Mother Theresa, by observing the most beautiful and majestic animals in the kingdom, by immersing myself in sunsets and places of such profound beauty, and by standing in front of Masterpieces that have taken me back in time and taken my breath away. My time on the Camino and at Motherhouse renewed my faith and commitment to living a prayer filled life. I have said hundreds of "Hail Mary's" as I toiled up a particularly difficult hill, was lost and didn't know where to go, or felt so homesick for my kids I wanted to cry. It is this one quote that gives me all the strength I need to live my life: "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind". Matt 23:37. This is the pure and simple answer to have the most amazing life. To me, without this, I am nothing.
**LAUGH** There were times where I laughed so hard my stomache hurt and my eyes spilled tears of joy. Arlene, Francis, Laura, Les, Eric, Sue, Terry, Stephanie, Steph, Linnea, Jess, Foxy, Gen, Richard, Ruth, Rachel, Nancy..to name a few. I thank you for laughing out loud with me. A good deep belly laugh is like medicine and there is nothing quite like it. I will remember with love all the people I've met and spent time with laughing, talking, eating, drinking, sharing. I pray I will see you all again someday. And if I don't, know that you will never be forgotten.
A year of travel. A gift worth more than all the money I have or will ever have. Experiences that cannot be surpassed or repeated. Beautiful people I will never forget. Lessons that can be learned in no other way. An acute and growing awareness for those who struggle, where I do not. The observance of how cultures and customs shape the world. That no matter the colour of our skin or the language that we speak we are all People of God, whether we believe it or not. My pilgrimage has come to an end. Now, I must use the experiences to continue to have the most precious and blessed life. To live my life with passion and purpose and to fill it with love and beauty. To manage the stress and challenges that come my way with dignity, ease and grace. I will always remember the words of the Franciscan monk at La Faba and his special pilgrim blessing: "If you go home and merely tell stories about your Camino, you haven't really done the Camino. You have to change something about yourself, something about your life, and keep it with you always". I ponder how I have changed. My attitude to happiness and what that means to me. My ability to trust that all will work out the way it's meant to. My deepened sense of understanding and awareness of others. My purpose is unclear but I trust it will be revealed in time and I pray that I do not get pulled into the inertia and stagnation that life can sometimes be. I will continue to enrich my life every day.....Life, with all it's challenges, joy, beauty, sadness and pain. I will not take it for granted, no matter what.
A big theme for me this year was moving out of my comfort zone. I have a huge fear of getting lost and have always been intimidated by big cities. I do not have a good sense of direction, yet I have navigated my way through some of the biggest and busiest airports and metro stations in the world - London, Paris, Madrid, Barcelona, Dublin, Manchester, Casablanca, Addis Ababa, Nairobi, New Delhi, Kolkata, Dubai, Liverpool! And all by myself! I have gained great confidence and feel brave and proud. I have been on dozens of flights and trains, slept in countless beds, with countless people! I have not driven a car in all this time. I have travelled the world. I have seen so much. I have lived life fully. I have known true freedom. The more I see of the world, the more I realise there is still so much I haven't yet seen. Perhaps it is not an ending at all, but merely another beginning. So if this is what it's like to be 50, then I only have one more thing to say: BRING IT ON!
As I contemplate my journey home tomorrow I am trying to find a way to put into words my feelings, my thoughts, my anxieties and anticipation about ending what was the most extraordinary year of my life. I am excited beyond measure to see my children Sarah, Robbie, James and my son in law Robert, my Mom and all my friends, and, of course George, my puppy. How I have missed them! And I am very sad to say goodbye to everyone here - Sue and Terry, Ange, and all my cousins, and their lovely children as well as the friends I have made here. So, off come the hippy bracelets and the harem pants and on to the sobering reality of taxes, bills, responsibilities and the rather daunting prospect of finding a job..
My blog has been an account of the details of my journey and my personal journal. I am amazed at the number of hits, ......mind you, 50% are probably my Mother! But I do appreciate those who have read and followed me along "The Way". What began as a 5 week pilgrimage has turned into a near year long discovery of who I am, what my life means and holds for me as I consider the next half of it. How do I keep with me those moments of sheer awe, of the extraordinary life changing experiences that will never be repeated, at least not in the same way. My mind is like a tornado, so many images and memories swirling around in my head it's dizzying! Even now, I will see something that reminds me of a situation, a person, a place, a moment and I get utterly lost in a memory that I hold dear to my heart. I must keep these moments alive even though I know it is not possible to live in those moments, and knowing they cannot be perceived by anyone else no matter how hard I try to describe them. If you see a smile cross my face at any given moment, you can be sure it will be because I am pondering one of those explicitly delicious moments, a memory I will hold on to ever so dearly. Some people have said, "you're like Julia Roberts in "Eat, Pray, Love". I am naming this entry "Walk, Pray, Laugh". Here's why:
**WALK** I must have walked hundreds of miles and have taken every opportunity to be outdoors. I have a weathered look about me and this has aged me considerably but I don't mind. To be outdoors is a welcome opportunity compared to working most of my life indoors. If I don't walk every day, I just don't feel quite right in my body. It calms my mind and exercises my body in a way that benefits and suits me. I have no aches or pains and feel healthy, well and fit. I am happiest when I am walking whether its along the beach of Crosby, the coastal cliffs of Cornwall, following the ubiquitous yellow arrow on the Camino path, hiking up a mountain in India, or walking through a pasture in northern England. Walking simply makes me happy.
**PRAY** I have entered and prayed in countless churches and holy places of worship. I have lived prayer by walking the Meseta, by walking through the slums of Kolkata, by standing at the tomb of Mother Theresa, by observing the most beautiful and majestic animals in the kingdom, by immersing myself in sunsets and places of such profound beauty, and by standing in front of Masterpieces that have taken me back in time and taken my breath away. My time on the Camino and at Motherhouse renewed my faith and commitment to living a prayer filled life. I have said hundreds of "Hail Mary's" as I toiled up a particularly difficult hill, was lost and didn't know where to go, or felt so homesick for my kids I wanted to cry. It is this one quote that gives me all the strength I need to live my life: "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind". Matt 23:37. This is the pure and simple answer to have the most amazing life. To me, without this, I am nothing.
**LAUGH** There were times where I laughed so hard my stomache hurt and my eyes spilled tears of joy. Arlene, Francis, Laura, Les, Eric, Sue, Terry, Stephanie, Steph, Linnea, Jess, Foxy, Gen, Richard, Ruth, Rachel, Nancy..to name a few. I thank you for laughing out loud with me. A good deep belly laugh is like medicine and there is nothing quite like it. I will remember with love all the people I've met and spent time with laughing, talking, eating, drinking, sharing. I pray I will see you all again someday. And if I don't, know that you will never be forgotten.
A year of travel. A gift worth more than all the money I have or will ever have. Experiences that cannot be surpassed or repeated. Beautiful people I will never forget. Lessons that can be learned in no other way. An acute and growing awareness for those who struggle, where I do not. The observance of how cultures and customs shape the world. That no matter the colour of our skin or the language that we speak we are all People of God, whether we believe it or not. My pilgrimage has come to an end. Now, I must use the experiences to continue to have the most precious and blessed life. To live my life with passion and purpose and to fill it with love and beauty. To manage the stress and challenges that come my way with dignity, ease and grace. I will always remember the words of the Franciscan monk at La Faba and his special pilgrim blessing: "If you go home and merely tell stories about your Camino, you haven't really done the Camino. You have to change something about yourself, something about your life, and keep it with you always". I ponder how I have changed. My attitude to happiness and what that means to me. My ability to trust that all will work out the way it's meant to. My deepened sense of understanding and awareness of others. My purpose is unclear but I trust it will be revealed in time and I pray that I do not get pulled into the inertia and stagnation that life can sometimes be. I will continue to enrich my life every day.....Life, with all it's challenges, joy, beauty, sadness and pain. I will not take it for granted, no matter what.
A big theme for me this year was moving out of my comfort zone. I have a huge fear of getting lost and have always been intimidated by big cities. I do not have a good sense of direction, yet I have navigated my way through some of the biggest and busiest airports and metro stations in the world - London, Paris, Madrid, Barcelona, Dublin, Manchester, Casablanca, Addis Ababa, Nairobi, New Delhi, Kolkata, Dubai, Liverpool! And all by myself! I have gained great confidence and feel brave and proud. I have been on dozens of flights and trains, slept in countless beds, with countless people! I have not driven a car in all this time. I have travelled the world. I have seen so much. I have lived life fully. I have known true freedom. The more I see of the world, the more I realise there is still so much I haven't yet seen. Perhaps it is not an ending at all, but merely another beginning. So if this is what it's like to be 50, then I only have one more thing to say: BRING IT ON!
