Two years ago today

On September 8, 2011 I began walking the Camino de Santiago from St. Jean Pied de Port France. The first day was the hardest but in some ways the most significant. It is said that if you can survive day one, then you can do it.

When I arrived in SJPP, I checked in to my hostel - L’Esprit du Chemin,  “the spirit of the way” a very special place in a tradition of simplicity, quality and inspiration and a great start to my pilgrimage. It was the only place I pre-booked other than the Parador in Santiago, and I was ever so glad I did. The volunteers who ran the place were so supportive and helpful. They prepared a beautiful meal where we all ate together and introduced ourselves, chatting with excitement and anticipation of our journey ahead. I met some really amazing people there, some I have kept in touch with - Anna and Francis - and others who I never saw again but who remain in my memory only.

So today, as I reflect on that first day, the beginning of an experience that was to change my life, I am reminded of the things I learned as I walked "The Way":

I learned to live in the moment. On that very first day I kept looking ahead to see what was coming next; what was around the next corner or how much further till it got a bit easier. I remember stopping in the middle of the path and telling myself out loud to STOP and BE in THIS moment and accept it for what it was. I have become much better at being exactly where I am without thinking about what I have to do next or what's around the next corner. I've stopped worrying about what the future holds and I'm trying not to dwell in the past. 

I learned to be gentler with my opinion of others. I met so many people who had stories about their lives that I would never have guessed until they told me. It made me realize that when we see a person or meet someone for the first time, we don't know them and we have no idea what their story is. I think we all tend to make snap judgements about people based on what we "see". I learned so much about listening and hearing what others had to say.

And by following the proverbial yellow arrows, I found my way to Santiago. To this day, and I'm sure for the rest of my life, a yellow arrow will always be a reminder of my pilgrimage and how I began to find my way. 

Reflection

I wrote this post a while ago and forgot to post it. It's never too late, I reckon....

Over the past couple of months, I’ve had frequent flashbacks from my travels. I’ve been in contact with several people whom I met and have made a point of keeping in contact with regularly. I’m going to tell you about some of them.

Emails from my aunt Susie from Liverpool are fairly regular though we tend to facetime or skype more often. I have been thinking of her, and my uncle Terry so much. They were going to come here for a visit but due to some health circumstances had to cancel their trip. During the time they would have been here, I kept thinking of the things we would be doing together – exploring Vancouver, driving through the Okanagan wine country on our way to Nelson, drives, walks, art exhibitions, theatre, and introducing them to my beloved Nelson would have given me such pleasure. They were so amazing to me whilst I was in Liverpool and it was an opportunity for me to treat them. The weather here was gorgeous – sunny and hot the whole time. My aunt in particular is fond of the warmer climate so she would have been in heaven. No mossies either! Hopefully they can come next year instead.

A year ago I found myself walking Hadrian’s Wall and met some really wonderful people there. One of my favourite travel mates ever was Foxy and I think of her and our time there as well as in Liverpool where I saw her frequently. We hope to do another walk together, maybe the Camino from Portugal or the Wales Coast Path. Whatever we choose it is certain to be an adventure with lots of laughs.

Another amazing {amazing!!} woman I met was Rochelle. She was volunteering with the Missionaries of Charity in Kolkata where we met. We are roughly the same age and had an instant connection and though we worked in different areas, we managed to get to know each other a little bit. Her story is incredible. She is Canadian and lived in Toronto area, working at a good job until one day she decided to quit her job and go to Kolkata to volunteer. She is not Catholic but had read about and admired the work the sisters do there. She got herself a ticket with a return date of six months from then and made her way across the world to a place so different in every way to Canada. She settled in and worked with the mentally and developmentally challenged women at Prem Dam teaching them art and other life skills. She also worked in the afternoons at the orphanage and I’m sure, other things as well. When I met her, she’d been there two months. She kept in regular contact with her family and friends via emails from her iPad and when I left, I asked her to add me to her list. I have been receiving her Sunday updates ever since. Here’s where the story gets really interesting. Because of her success with the program she was doing with the women, the sisters asked her if she would be willing to go to Sri Lanka where they were setting up a similar home there. She followed her heart and off she went. Her heart took her straight to the man she was meant to meet and marry a few months later! She and Roshan are living happily in Kandy, doing their work together in a place where people like them are so needed. How awesome is this!!? She sent me an email a couple of days ago as she had just been to a gathering where a letter was read regarding my dear friend Creos who I also met at Motherhouse and who passed away last year. He was, for me, one of those people who have a huge impact on you and you don’t know how it all came to happen. Serendipity. Faith. Fate. I still can’t believe he is gone and I’ll never see him again.

My friend Flora from London, whom I met in India as well, is now travelling through South America. She writes an incredible blog which I have been following. Her strength of character, wit, charm and grace have given me hope for this generation of vibrant women. I am honored to know her and the other young women I met and travelled with in India – Jess, Bianca, Fiona, Steph, Linnea, Emiko and Diana. I keep up with them all on the Facebook group we created for just that reason. Ah, I miss them all.

So it seems the universe is trying to tell me something. I can’t stop thinking about my travels and the people I met along the way. Am I supposed to keep travelling? I want to go back to India. To volunteer and immerse myself once again in that chaotic but simple life. I long to see more of the world – China, New Zealand, Australia, South Africa, North India, Sri Lanka, Eastern Europe, South America (but only if I can go for at least 4 months) the list goes on, but there are places I’ve been that I loved so much I want to go back!

Although I discarded the hippy bracelets that graced my wrist long ago, I still wear the necklace with my scallop shell from the Camino, my celtic cross from Santiago, my larimar stone from Morocco and my St. Christopher’s medal from one of the sisters at Motherhouse. I find my hand goes to these talismen, these reminders of how I discovered who I am and what moves me. As I fondle these items, I continue to wonder what my purpose is. Time will tell….

Oh Baby!

It's been a long time since I've written on my blog and with the birth of my first blessed grandchild a few days ago, it seems a great reason to put fingers to keys once again.

being held by Uncle Robbie

So let me just say that becoming a grandparent was not at all what I expected. First of all, knowing my beloved daughter was in labor just about killed me. I knew the pain she was facing and had no idea how long she would labor and all I wanted to do was take it on for her. Spoken like a true mom. It doesn't matter how old your kids get, to you, they are still your babies and I couldn't bear my baby in that kind of pain. But she did it! Valiantly and bravely and with love and help from her devoted husband Rob, their doula, and midwife. Bravo!

Secondly, having this time in Vancouver to be with my daughter throughout her pregnancy has been such a blessing for me. To talk about birth, motherhood, parenting and how all these things have evolved and changed over time was such a gift. It's not that we didn't do it "right" in our day, but theories change along the way with new information and a changing world. I felt so honored that she wanted to ask me questions and get my advice (this continues) and even though I was a too young, inexperienced mom, it seemed like I had everything I needed to be one. So this is what I tell my daughter. That within her lies all the wisdom and instinct she needs to take care of her baby. There's a sort of comfort too, knowing she now knows how much I love her because now she's a mom.

tired but beautiful mama

snuggling with his Daddy

So now I just have to gush about "the world's most perfect human being". My grandson, Niko Slade Kozlowski. He is the most perfect, beauteous, astonishingly miraculous tiny person and I am utterly besotted with him. He is exquisite and most perfectly made. Plus, he's really, really cute! I have been in awe watching his parents fall in love with him by the minute and how he has completely perfected the circle of love between them. It is magic. Seeing Rob so involved, so supportive and so interested in every little thing that is going on makes me quite emotional.

sleeping like a baby

And I swear the baby knows who I am. He seems to be listening to me when I talk to him. Well, come on, if he can hear his parents' voices in the womb, surely he can hear mine too, right? All I want to do is gaze at him all day long. I don't even have to hold him as long as I can see him and bask in the wonder of the bonding between them all. I just know he and I are going to be really good pals and if I get to exhibit even half the love my mom bestows on all her grandchildren, then I am truly blessed indeed.

My maternal grandmother who lived all her life in Liverpool used to sing a lullaby to her grandchildren there called "Lula Bye". Although she was known as Granny, my English cousins called her "Lula" as well. In honor of my Granny, whom I only saw a few times in my life but whom I loved dearly and felt very close to, I will be called "Lula".

This is the beginning of the next generation. I wonder how many grandchildren I will be blessed with and I look forward to watching my sons become dads too. This generation has it far more together than any other as they view parenting as a true partnership and an extension of their commitment to each other.

Just the way it should be.

My Mentor - words to live by

††† Prayer of Mother Teresa †††

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered. 
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. 
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true friends. 
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you. 
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building someone could destroy over night. 
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous. 
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will forget tomorrow. 
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. 
Give the world the best you have anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.

Amen †

This is one of the ways my life has changed...

A couple of days ago I was out walking George and as usual, my pace was fast and purposeful. We came across an old man and a small white dog, similar to George. The dogs started to do their thing - as dogs do - and I began to chat with the old man. Normally, I say a few words and then hurry on my way.  The man kept talking as I was inching my way ahead of him, trying to end the conversation so I could resume my regular pace. It occurred to me then, that he clearly wanted someone to talk to so I decided to slow down and listen. What would have normally taken me 20 minutes, ended up taking 45 minutes and I thoroughly enjoyed hearing a little bit about his life. He was born in Nelson and has lived here his entire 84 years. I realized then how unimportant was my drive to walk quickly so as to get some exercise and get on with whatever task was next. How many times have I been obsessed with the hustle and bustle of my life, never having the time to stop and enjoy the simplest of pleasures. I don't miss that part of my life and continue to feel so blessed that I have been bestowed with the seemingly rare gift of time. I pray I use it wisely, with good intentions and an open heart and mind to the gifts that are presented to me each day.

The other day I volunteered as usual to sell Christmas trees for our Rotary Club. When I arrived, someone said to me "Uh oh, are you one of those happy, over the top enthusiastic Christmas people?". I laughed and said of course not! I got to thinking about this later and it dawned on me that I really don't like Christmas and struggle to get myself into the so called "spirit" of it. Since being in Kolkata, all I can think about is what it would be like if I could be there to celebrate Christmas with the sisters at Mother House. I vow I will do this one year! Anyway, I think what I struggle so much with is that at no other time of the year am I so painfully aware of the disparity between the "haves" and the "have nots" and then I chastise myself for being one of the "haves" with so much abundance when others are so very deprived of the most basic needs in life.

This world makes no sense to me.

Work. Work?

When I started this blog well over a year ago, it was just for the purpose of keeping everyone updated while I walked the Camino. I knew there wouldn't be much opportunity to write emails to individual people so I thought is was a good solution. Plus, I wasn't carrying a travel diary per se and wanted to keep track for myself. Through this process, I realize I have come to enjoy writing very much. Because I walk so much, often through beautiful forests, paths, and parks, I have a lot of time to think about things and then I feel compelled to write about them. My memory is also getting very bad so this way, I can remember things I've done. I really don't know who is reading this blog - nobody ever comments - but the statistics show there are a lot of hits. I know some people have had a hard time leaving comments - I think it is some glitch with blogspot and signing in or something - but I would love to hear from anyone who is interested in contacting me. You can reach me at cowanjena@gmail.com.

Kokanee Glacier Hike 2012

I am one of those very fortunate people who has had great opportunity in my life and can now call myself "retired". Well, what I actually say is that I'm temporarily retired. Only because I feel I am too young not to work. All my friends are working and I miss the comaraderie and social-ness of the working environment. I also want to feel productive and needed. Other than an unquenchable desire to travel, I don't really have a purpose anymore. Is that okay? Some people would say it's fine but for me I feel I miss the passion of working at something you love. Something you are building and creating. Yes, there are days when all you can dream about is stopping work, but I think we want to stop because we're tired and stressed and need a break. After a long break, I realize I do want to work but I do NOT want the crazy stress-filled life I once had. So there is a balance that needs to be attained. I have had many months to consider this and ask myself, how do I want to spend my working life? I know it needs to be creative, flexible and feed my soul. I have thought about doing what I think I'm good at - human resources, project management, or some other kind of corporate endeavor. All this equals STRESS. So, I need to go back to what I am passionate about. What keeps surfacing is Design. Specifically graphic design - it's what I should have done when I graduated from high school. I have taken several courses through KSA and feel quite comfortable with the Adobe suite. I have done some freelance work along with quite a bit of pro-bono work and think it could be something that would feed my soul and produce an income that I can do from anywhere. I know I want to live in more than one place therefore need the flexibility to be elsewhere when I want to be. I love Nelson, it's been my home for many years. I have strong roots here - my Mom, my friends, the mountains and the lake lure me back to this place again and again. But I know it is time for a change and after traveling to so many other places in the world, I realize there are many beautiful places that I could call home, at least temporarily. I've been wrestling with this decision for more than a year and feel it's time to make a choice. Whatever I choose, I know that if I am passionate about it, believe in it, embrace it, I will be successful. So off to college I go. I think.

Life in Deep Cove

Deep Cove

Deep Cove Park

Well, I've been here nearly two weeks now and am so far enjoying living in the mountains. Or at least it feels like that anyway. It's very quiet, very hilly, and very beautiful. I am house sitting for friends who head down south every winter and need someone to stay in their beautiful house overlooking the Cove. Hmmm. It wasn't a really hard decision to make. I'm closer to my kids, though James lives in Aldergrove, about an hour away, and Sarah, Rob and Robbie live in East Vancouver, about 30 minutes away. Added bonus is my sister Judith and her husband Peter and my brother Jamie also live about 30 minutes away. So, this is my chance to see what it would be like to live on the coast and be able to participate in and create family gatherings.

The Deck and View

The House

Major challenges include:
• Making new friends in a place where I know nobody.
• Driving in the big city.
• Getting lost.
• Dealing with torrential downpours that last all day.
• Convincing people to make the drive out here.

George and I manage two good walks every day and are discovering some great paths and trails. Our favourite one is Quarry Rock, about an hour and a half there and back. It's challenging - steep in both directions with a bit of flat but all in the forest. The view in the end is lovely and worth it. Not so fun in the rain, but we try and pick drier days to do it.

The squatters

Deep Cove itself reminds me a little of Nelson, only smaller. The village is quaint and overlooks the cove with a lovely park along the shore. The marina with the majestic sailboats, waiting for the perfect opportunity to venture out. People are friendly here as well. I've met dogwalkers, store owners, and random people just smiling and sometimes saying a friendly hello. All in all, I think it will work out just fine and despite my slight lonliness at the moment, I'm enjoying the peace and quiet and know that come May, I'll probably have made a friend or two.